Silent fast

I started my silent fast this morning. I posted earlier in the day and said I'd broken it a couple times throughout the day. I know I mentioned grace for breaking fasts, but I think my tone (as much as one can have a tone when one is typing) was a little cavalier. I wish to be clear that I take this fast seriously.

I am fasting speech for several reasons: I want to devote more time to focusing my thought life on G-d. I want to think about how the power of intercession, prayer, and worship before the throne does not really depend on which words I choose to say out loud. Finally, I want to cut down on unnecessary/frivolous speech. The speech fast is a big deal for me; I love talking with other people (even though I don't know how sometimes). But I have taken Sailor's word for me to heart. I do not want to interfere with whatever G-d's going to do in me during these seven days (now six). All I am really doing is making more room for Him this week.

I wrote in my journal the other day, "Silence is the place of authority." This is all related to Mary of Bethany (Luke 10:38-42, John 11:1-45, Matt. 26:6-13, Mark 14:3-9, John 12:1-8), who sat at Jesus' feet and anointed Him before His death. Perhaps I'll write more about Mary of Bethany later on; Allen Hood gave an excellent teaching on her during Tuesday's class (I ordered the CD). But as it relates to my silent fast: I am focusing on listening like Mary did. I don't remember hearing any specific teachings on Mary of Bethany before I came here, but I always thought of sitting at Y'shua's feet/listening as something peaceful, gentle, flowing, etc. Sometimes it is like that; when I get peace the way I did earlier this week, I thank Him constantly and appreciate it while I have it. But what I have learned from Mary's example is this: listening to G-d is most often a choice -- a violent choice, an act that is offensive to some. When Mary sat at Y'shua's feet, she defied social norms of the day, the whirlwind of activity around her, even her own emotions and uncertainty. She stayed because she was starving for His wisdom and presence.

So with this fast I am making listening a choice. It is hard...many, many times throughout today I wanted to make a comment, interject my opinion, or answer a question without using sign language, facial expressions, and notepads. Humor has been the biggest hang-up for me, actually. I was hanging out with KitKat during a class break today and I told her (via pulling up MS Word and typing) that I was slightly frustrated by not being able to crack jokes all day. "Oh, well," I typed, "I guess I will just unleash a giant tornado of hilarity next Wednesday." She thought that was funny. It was unfortunately true -- I feel like I'm storing up all of these things inside with no outlet. I guess this is part of the pain of fasting for me....

(Side note: have I mentioned recently how much I love KitKat? She sings, she dances, she plays the piano, and she prays on the mike, all with the heart of an intercessor. That girl has such peace about her. She is one of the youngest people in the internship, yet she definitely has an old soul. I am quite grateful to be accountable to her and to be her friend. But enough bragging on her.)

Before I started the fast, I talked to Carol (who I also love -- she has a lot of wisdom and absolutely loves being in the Word). She did a three-day fast last week, I think, so I asked her for some advice. She gave me a few tips. She also told me how to deal with people: don't advertise your fast, but make sure to let people know (with a note or a sign or something) if they start talking to you; don't just nod, smile, and walk away. Also, don't isolate yourself. Sit at a table with people you know (and who maybe know that you're doing a silent fast). I've kept that in mind today and have managed to hang with my various friends without too much difficulty. Killer is a little bummed that she won't have a "sarcastic partner" for a week; we like doing the Napoleon Dynamite sarcasm thing together. Everybody else is giving me grace, though.

I'm excited about what things the Spirit will work in me during this week. I have been praying that I won't be prideful about my fast -- no one else is doing a speech fast, and definitely not for an entire week. I need to study the humility/meekness of Y'shua. I want to study so many things but there's never enough time.