I coulda used that nine dollars. For, I don't know, buying another copy of the Lord of the Rings.

You should know, dear readers, that I am a sucker for science fiction and fantasy films. So the other day I went with Wombat1 and Killer to see Eragon. In my defense, I thought the movie would be better than the book.

It was not. Killer almost fell asleep and Wombat1 almost cried. Me...well, I want my money back. Heck, even the previews were more entertaining than the film. What did I get for my $9 ticket?

1. An hour and a half of no character development
2. Unending sappy gazes between Our Hero, Luke Skywalker Rand al'Thor Eragon, and the Love Interest, Arwen Princess Leia Arya
3. Sage advice from Gandalf Yoda Obi-Wan Kenobi Our Hero's Wise Old Mentor
4. A complete lack of elves, dwarves, and Orcs Urgals in a fantasy film
   
5. Galbatorix, the Completely Not Intimidating Arch-villain whose name sounds like toilet cleaner
6. The Myrddral Ringwraiths Not Scary Evil Henchmen
7. Et cetera
   

*tries to think of something positive to say* Um....the dragon was cool. That's about it.

It's not just the movie that was bad. (Be aware I am ranting by this point, O valued readers.) I don't have much time for reading anymore; the most I read these days is the Bible and the stuff I'm editing at work. But I took my precious free time to power through Eragon before seeing the movie. The book is 500 pages. It didn't take me long to get through it, however; the plot is not that complex. In fact, Eragon is really just amateur fantasy with a cool picture of a dragon on the cover.

The author is Christopher Paolini, a homeschooled phenom who started writing Eragon when he was fifteen. His parents' publishing house published it when he was nineteen, Random House picked it up, its popularity increased for some odd reason, and now we are blessed with the movie I almost clawed out my eyes in last night. I applaud Mr. Paolini for his efforts, but he needed some seasoning and constructive criticism before being published. And whoever wrote the screenplay should be shot.

Don't see this movie, and avoid the book. You may enjoy Eragon if you've never seen Star Wars or the Lord of the Rings films, or if you've never read Tolkien, Joseph Campbell, the Wheel of Time, Dragonriders of Pern, Earthsea, or Dune (really, any sort of fantasy/mythology at all). As you probably gathered already, Paolini liberally rips off each of these. But why bother reading a pale imitation when you can go straight to the sources?

P.S. If you did read Eragon and its sequel and enjoyed it, go here. I actually didn't think the books were too bad until I was forced to confront my beliefs.