Um...stuffage

Israel is getting sloppy. All of these mis-identified target business is not good for Israel's image -- which is why I think they are generally telling the truth about hitting that village the other day. Israel knows that the longer it stays in Lebanon, the more chances there are for things like that to happen and for world opinion to solidify against them. It's outnumbered and surrounded on every side; every move it makes is criticized and lambasted. Many want to wipe this tiny nation off the face of the earth.

Seems a little End Times, doesn't it?

Moving on: news on Ducky's life. I am trying to set up my interview for staff today. They accepted my application, and if I can convince them in the interview that I am not a serial killer (serial hugger, yes), I just have to go to the two-day new staff orientation this week and then I am in. I might join the Night Watch, actually...I love the evening teams and I am a night owl anyway. Of course, it depends on if I get that job at Forerunner Books -- if I don't get as many hours as I want, I will have to take a job with more conventional hours.

On a more sober note, I have a meeting with someone from the internship today. It's a relationship talk, basically, and I am praying it will go well. Oh, yeah, the person is not a guy. :-) I am thinking I'll probably remain celibate for a while longer.

From the Jewish World Review

Quotes from an article entitled "Life in an Orwellian Universe":

What other country, when attacked in an unprovoked aggression across a recognized international frontier, is then put on a countdown clock by the world, given a limited time window in which to fight back, regardless of whether it has restored its own security?

What other country sustains 1,500 indiscriminate rocket attacks into its cities — every one designed to kill, maim and terrorize civilians — and is then vilified by the world when it tries to destroy the enemy's infrastructure and strongholds with precision-guided munitions that sometimes have the unintended but unavoidable consequence of collateral civilian death and suffering?

Hearing the world pass judgment on the Israel-Hezbollah war as it unfolds is to live in an Orwellian moral universe.

[...]Israeli innocents must die in order for Israel to be terrorized. But Lebanese innocents must also die in order for Israel to be demonized, which is why Hezbollah hides its fighters, its rockets, its launchers, its entire infrastructure among civilians. Creating human shields is a war crime. It is also a Hezbollah specialty.

Good stuff.

My belated birthday bash

Oofda, that was fun. A bunch of my friends came over to Killer's house, since she's the only one living there right now and has plenty of space. In attendance: Fearless Leader, Garner, HoB, Hotness, Jacinth, Killer, Loch, Mussels (poor guy was the only male there), Sardius, Stiles, and my non-internship buddy (though she did do an internship a few years ago) Wombat1. I was happy that Wombat1 got to meet more of my friends...she seemed to fit in pretty easily. Much fun was had by all (I hope). Pictures are here.

HoB was making chocolate-peanut butter chip brownies and cake when I arrived. "I brought this cake mix all the way from Ohio!" she proclaimed. It was good cake. In fact, when it was done and after everyone sang "Happy (Belated) Birthday" to me, they made me bury my face in the cake pan and eat it like an animal. (I am pretty sure I still have cake up my nose.) This extraordinary cake-eating was caught on video. Unfortunately, there is no sound, so you will have to imagine my friends hooting, hollering, and egging me on as I practically burn my face in cake that's 15 minutes out of the oven. Be warned: this video is not for the faint of heart or those suffering from cake-phobia. (Is there such a thing? Perhaps in extreme pie-lovers.) Click to see me in all my crumb-covered glory.

We sat on the bare kitchen floor, since Killer has almost no furniture (except a lawn chair and a ghetto couch), eating and talking at the top of our lungs. Wombat1 told an embarrassing story about me (with my permission). I will have to recount it later. :-) Fel wondered if I had any funny stories from the internship. "You didn't really have many embarrassing moments, did you?" she asked.

"I was one walking embarrassing moment," I said. "Killer knows!" Killer started laughing because...well, just because. If you know what she and I are like together (our favorite expression: "AWK-ward!!"), then you know what I'm talking about. Also, we have plenty of toilet-cleaning stories. We recounted a few of those: the time the toilet attacked me (the men's toilets have a more robust flushing action, let us say) and the time one of the prayer leaders chewed us out because he thought we had closed both men's bathrooms (there is one of each, like most normal buildings, in the main hallway outside the PR).

As we finished noshing, some people went downstairs to watch the slideshow movie I put together on my computer (pics of me, my family, and the interns with some of my favorite tunes as a background). Later, we adjourned to the basement to play spoons. I don't think we had enough spoons, so we used plastic cups. We played a round before Wombat1 left for work and continued playing till about 9:00. Lots of diving for cups, rolling around, laughing, and accidental bending of cards.

People started going home around 9:30. I stayed till 1:00 a.m. watching The Last Samurai with Killer. We both think Tom Cruise is weird and off-putting, but we liked the swords. :-D Good movie.

That was probably one of the most fun birthday parties I've had since I was a kid. I didn't have enough friends when I was older to have a party, per se, so this was quite enjoyable. I am so grateful for these people.

Life goes on

I'm still searching for a job and trying to get on staff while keeping one eye on the news. I'm trying to get a "scholarship" for some of my service hours -- i.e., get paid a little. I thought that the coffee shop and the bookstore were the only paid service positions on the Missions Base, but I might be able to wangle a small monthly sum. I think I'll have a pretty good chance; I'm betting not a lot of IHOP staff can do what I do.

Dave Sliker got me in contact with Robert Craig, the guy in charge of Forerunner Books, and we set up a meeting tomorrow afternoon. I really hope they'll let me help out there. And even if I don't get paid, volunteer experience at a publishing house will look really good on my resume. :-)

I'm going to go hang out at the HOP for a while. I love going to the Tuesday night sets, especially Luke Wood's 8:00 (intern intercession). Last week I walked in and bumped into Timber as she was pacing. She was happy to see another ex-intern.

"Look at them up there," she said, glancing over at the new batch of interns standing, weak but resolute, on the blue lines. "It makes me sad because it's not our internship."

But we had our time, and now we are making way for others to come and stand in that place of prayer. We're even teaching others out of what we have learned. We have become leaders of our generation and are helping raise up more, whether here or at home (or, eventually, out in the nations).

Speaking of my friends, they are planning a belated birthday celebration for me Thursday evening, probably at Killer or Sunny's house. It's going to be fun, especially with the group of crazy/odd/radical people I hang with. I've never had so many friends before. It's quite nice. I think they want to prophesy over me, which will be sweet.

That reminds me -- I need to find HoB. She wants me and a few others to prophesy over her STI girls. The prophecy rooms are packed and they can't get in. But you don't have to be on a prophetic ministry team to listen to the Holy Spirit! I'm excited...this should be fun.

Follow-up on yesterday's post

I have to say that when I wrote that post yesterday, I was stressed and fearful. I went to the PR afterward, but could barely even pray...just sat there and thought about what would happen when Israel moved into Lebanon to destroy Hezbollah, as surely they will. But I was talking with Other Father today (my best friend's dad), who was a pastor for over a decade and is way into End Times. Some of the stuff he said reminded me that yes, horrible things are coming, but we know how this will all end, ultimately: Yeshua returns as the conquering Lion of Judah. After mop-up operations, He will set up His kingdom here on earth (no joke), with Jerusalem as His capital and as the Father's footstool (Is. 2), and the saints will rule with Him (Rev. 20:4-5). Later, after the final battle, the Father Himself will come to earth (Rev. 21:3), restoring the Garden of Eden conditions. He promises that He will dwell with us. Yeah, persecution is coming down; yes, we are in for a huge storm, but He (and we, as the Bride), will be victorious.

It looks bad for Israel right now, but the L-rd has always preserved a remnant of His people, and He's definitely taken care of this nation in similar circumstances. His will is going to be fulfilled, one way or the other.

Breaking news: I have turned into a news junkie again. Check out this quote:

Timur Goksel, formerly a senior U.N. adviser in south Lebanon: "As long as they [Hezbollah] don't lose, they don't have to win...because they'll be standing up to the Israelis and in this part of the world that is a victory." (Link)


Random snippet from conversation while watching the news:

"Irael has Apache helicopters, Abrams tanks, the best army in the world...how can they [the Arab nations] not see it? If they attack Israel, we [Israel and the U.S.A.] will crush them," said Other Father. "They can't win."
"This is a holy war," I said to him. "They believe [Allah] is on their side."
"Exactly. You can't change a way of thinking."

The urgency of the hour

Okay, for those of you who get scared by End Times stuff or think it's not relevant: I don't really care. I am not going to tell you to avoid this post. I'd challenge you to read it and tell me what you believe.

I have been feeling uneasy for the last few days. It feels like the world is ending in front of my eyes, yet all around me people go on about their business...work, watching TV, discussing the weather and how nice it would be if it rains and what are you doing this weekend?

I look at what's happening in the Middle East -- always a volatile place, but this business between Israel and Hezbollah raises the hair on my neck. It would take so little for the Arab nations to come down in fury on that tiny country. Wouldn't the U.S. respond, though? Many Arabs hate "The Great Satan," but they fear us as well, I think. But what if they strike us at the same time? They could so easily cripple us, halt us -- especially since North Korea will likely sell Iran nuclear weapons as Iran stalls the world with "negotiations." The same terrorists that exist today, full of hate and a raging desire to wipe Israel and the United States off the face of the world -- what if they do acquire WMDs? They will use them, and World War III will begin.

Things will settle down,I think to myself. They always do. Many times I've thought, This is it...the surrounding nations are going to try to blow Israel to bits. But more and more I begin to think that we actually are facing WWIII. After what could happen, I imagine that an exhausted, wounded world will be grateful for any peacemaker, anyone, really...and I believe one will rise. He will seem compassionate, wise, peaceful. In fact, he will unify the nations. Even the church will hail him as a savior...until his true nature is revealed.

The Antichrist is real, and he is coming. He may already be on this earth, training and preparing for his greatest hour in history. The Great Tribulation is real; will the Church heed the signs of the times and prepare with fasting and praying? Or will she fall away? My skin crawls at these thoughts.

A year ago I wouldn't have believed any of this. But look at the book of Daniel (esp. chapters 7-12). Look at Isaiah, Joel, Amos, Matthew 24, Luke 21, Revelation...it's coming. Sure, the heat in the Middle East may settle down this time. Maybe it'll be 50 more years, maybe a hundred, before it all comes down. We've been living in the End Times for a long time. But lately it seems like I might see End Time prophecies fulfilled in my lifetime. I am freaked out by the possibility of the Great Tribulation.

Yet halting my slide into terror is this: Yeshua is real. He Who made all things, by Whom all things were made...He Who took on flesh forever...who died and rose to become our Great Intercessor...He constantly cries out to His Father, "When, when can I return to My Bride?" The Father replies, "Not until she is purified and without spot. Not until she is ready." And we will not be ready until we have endured the End Times. Part of the thing about the Great Tribulation is this: we'll endure persecution like the world has never seen -- yet we'll also receive a baptism of the Holy Spirit even beyond what fell on Pentecost. This will be the Church's time of trial by fire, yet it will also be her finest hour.

I need to pray and fast more. I want Him to make me ready. Even if the Great Tribulation doesn't come in my lifetime, I want to live ready anyway.

Back to KC

I've got the car almost completely packed; will finish tomorrow morning. We're having a barbeque at lunch time and then I will leave. KC ETA is 9:00 p.m.

I'll be working a temp job this week. Weekend plans: belated birthday party. Monday: go to DMV and get car stuff taken care of. Drive back to MN later on Monday or on Tuesday.

Still praying Col. 1:9-12. I have a few potential partners lined up and will meet with more when I return to MN, but I still don't know if I should drop this staff thing and just work full-time. Pray for the knowledge of G-d's will, 'cause I seriously need it.

100th post: My Vision

I was pondering what to do for my 100th post. A reflection on the internship? No...did enough of that after graduation. A deep musing on life, the universe, and everything? No...too Hitchhiker's Guide (the books are so much better than that horrid movie...although the BBC miniseries was amusing). A random post on packing, difficult friendships, vows of celibacy, and...um...pie? No...I have far too many random posts on a blog that's supposed to be deep and full of wisdom (ha).

So instead, dear reader, I shall reprint my vision for being an intercessory missionary, a.k.a. vocational intercessor. I give this essay to all potential partners so they will know what my heart is. Hey, now you get to read it too.

My Vision for Being an Intercessory Missionary

During my internship, I learned that my purpose is to partner with the Great Intercessor in His eternal ministry. As the Son’s Bride, I come with Him before the Revelation 4 throne, and together we cry out to the Father for His will to be done on the earth. What a high calling! But what does this mean, practically speaking? David speaks of it in Psalm 27:4: “One thing I have desired of the L-rd, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the L-rd all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the L-rd, and to inquire in His temple.”. As an intercessory missionary, I will live in the place of prayer (“dwell”), seek intimacy with G-d (“behold”), and intercede for His will to be done on this earth (“inquire”).

Dwell: I will worship, fast, intercede, and study the Word as a vocational intercessor. More than anything, I want to feel His emotions, ask for personal revelation of His character and attributes, and worship the L-rd by telling Him about His own beauty. I never want to leave His house. David didn’t either. “O God, You are my God,” he wrote. “Early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You…. So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory” (Ps. 63:1-2). He also said, “How lovely is Your tabernacle, O L-rd of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the L-rd; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living G-d…a day in Your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my G-d than dwell in the tents of wickedness” (Ps. 84:1, 2, 10).

Behold: It’s vital that I have a close relationship with my Bridegroom if I’m going to be an intercessory missionary, because intercession is born of intimacy. I want to know the L-rd’s heart and His character well so I can intercede out of that deep knowledge. I want to know the L-rd as my Bridegroom, not just as Father and Savior. To do so, I as the Bride must take the journey of maturity and intimacy mapped out in the Song of Solomon. In the Song, the Shulamite (the Bride) goes through trials and persecution, emerging as one who is mature and who understands her Bridegroom. The words she uses to describe her Beloved’s beauty in Song 5:10-16 show her depth of intimacy with Him. She has gained the knowledge of G-d through experience and revelation, through going after Him and wanting to know Him.

Inquire: I once heard someone say, “The cross is not an end in itself.” The crucifixion did not only accomplish our salvation. It made a way for us to partner with the Great Intercessor. The cross enables me to come to the throne without fear and to join the Son in crying out for His Father’s will to be fulfilled. I should not come just on the basis of Yeshua’s blood, though. I should come on the basis of our relationship as Bride and Bridegroom. I could do intercession without intimate knowledge of G-d, but it’s tiring and discouraging that way. If I love Him as a Bride loves her Bridegroom, I will naturally care about what’s on His heart. I’ll be eager to agree Him on what He wants to do on the earth – revival, the ending of abortion, healing, miracles, signs and wonders, and the preparation of the Church for the Second Coming.

Ps. 27:4 is a reality, a necessity, and my identity. I long for the day He returns to set up His kingdom here on earth (Rev. 20), when I truly will be able to dwell in His house, see His beauty, and inquire in His temple. I will pursue this one desire as an intercessory missionary until that day comes. I am heartened by this fact: as much as I desire this one thing, He desires me even more….

Moving out is a pain

I arrived a few days ago and have spent most of my time going through my junk. Mounds and mounds, yea, mountains of junk have I! Man...I am such a pack rat. (I seriously didn't need to keep my notes from Intro to Sociology.) Probably one of the best pieces of junk I've found so far is my tooth collection. I have six of the nine teeth I've had pulled (not counting my wisdom teeth) in little containers. I also have four teeth that fell out naturally, all of which are taped to yellowing squares of paper that proclaim in squiggly twelve-year-old handwriting, "My tooth fell out!!" I had saved many more teeth, but they've long since slipped their surly Scotch tape bonds and danced in dark corners on dust bunny feet (apologies to John Gillespie Magee, Jr. -- like, serious apologies).

Anyway. I have yet more junk to go through tomorrow, but the full boxes are piling up and the end is in sight. I don't think I can fit it all in my car; we're going to get a trailer hitch welded onto it and then I'll borrow my friend's trailer for another trip up. Yep, I'm going back to KC on Sunday with a carload of my junk and then I am going to drive back up to MN the next week for my mattress and a few big items. That'll also give me more time to raise support. And maybe I'll be able to hang with some friends...I haven't seen my fellow EWOKS and I'm not sure I'll have much time to be with them on this trip. I don't have much free time these next few weeks, actually. After I drive back to KC on Sunday, I'll be working a full-time temp job for that week before I come back to MN. I hope I'll be able to squeeze in a belated birthday party when I'm back in KC...hopefully when I come back to MN I'll have gotten a ton of stuff done and will be able to spend more time with my family and friends up here (aside from partner meetings).

So that's about it. I've been very busy...I wake up, do a bit of Bible study and get ready for the day, and then clean and clean some more. I am doing support-raising also, meeting with people and explaining my vision. I am just trying to do my part and to trust G-d to do His. I believe He's pleased that I am trying to pursue Him as best I know how, but as I keep saying to people, I don't have a "This Is Your Destiny" word from the L-rd. So I am continuing to pray Col. 1:9-12 over myself:

For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. (emphasis mine)

Until I post again, shalom. And, as ever, shout-outs to the Tree People. I miss you guys...looking forward to seeing Stiles, Killer, HoB, and Sardius as you return to KC. Those of you who live elsewhere are in my thoughts and prayers.

In MN

I made it...eight hours, instead of the seven(ish) it usually takes. My car decided to start shaking violently whenever I went above 70 mph. Poor Bessie; she's getting old.

Anyway, my birthday is tomorrow. I am not sure what to think about that. I don't even know what we're doing to celebrate it. I haven't told any of my friends here (not that I have many in MN) that I'm back; I think it'll just be a family celebration. I remember last year's birthday was spent mostly falling off my dad's old windsurfer and getting a water-up-the-nose headache. No, it was fun, really! Mostly it was the part about me spending time with my dad. Two years ago, he took me flatwater kayaking. That was lots of fun as well. I fell out of the kayak, by the way. (But only once.) Why do my birthdays always seem to involve falling into water?

The Potentate: "Hey, we should go ice fishing for your birthday this year."
Me: "Ice fishing?"
The Potentate: "Just go get a foam chest from SuperAmerica and put some ice in it. Drag up a stool, toss your hook in, and then just kind of...sit there."
Me: *laughing incoherently, because I am REALLY tired*

Seriously...I had a good long talk with my dad about dealing with certain types of people...about friendship ministry vs. honesty...about doing what is right in G-d's eyes. I have some unfinished business of that nature back home in KC. I will deal with it when I get back.

Peace out

After posting this morning, I went over to the Missions Base to talk to the Sacred Trust Office about my staff app. Afterward, I walked over to the apartments on a whim. I stood on the sidewalk above the clubhouse and watched the girls moving into their buildings for a while, then decided to pop into the clubhouse and say hi to my friends. I walked in, and it was set up just like I remembered from six months ago -- three different registration tables, snacks, fresh nametags hanging on a line -- except that I knew most of the people behind the tables and I was filled with nostalgia instead of anticipation.

I was greeted by several shouts of, "Hi, Ducky!!!" and accompanying hugs. Timber told me that she'd been trying to call me. They needed help doing airport runs to pick up new interns, and I'd get gas money if I went. I said yes, happy to get cash, and so Garner and I went to pick up two interns. I took them back to the clubhouse and to their respective homes, helped them carry their bags in, and then went back to the clubhouse to hang a bit. Chatted for a bit with Tracey (who apparently was the one who thought of me for airport runs), gave Withit a backrub and got a promise of a coffee date when I get back, and grabbed a few of the snacks. I'm glad I stopped by...good to see them all again.

After that I went home, packed quickly, and finished up some support-raising business (my presentation book and pledge cards). Wombat1 took me to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 as an early birthday present. Lots of fun and many great lines, though it had its questionable moments.

I am excited about going home. I have been praying about my supporters, and I am excited about talking with them. I'm also excited to see my family again for a longer period. Plus, I finally get to meet my brother's girlfriend. Add to that my birthday, and it's shaping up to be a fine trip.

I'm planning to leave around 10:00 a.m. or so, but it'll probably end up being later. I may post from my phone tomorrow, or maybe when I get to my house. Until then, shalom and peace out.

New OTI starts today

Six months ago at 11:00 on a January morning, I walked into the Herrnhut clubhouse to check into my new apartment, full of nervous excitement and disbelief. I'd waited a long time for that moment. Now it seems as if the internship flashed by. It feels right that that season in my life is over, though I cherish all the memories -- even on the really bad days and even with the brutal schedule, I would stop and think of how blessed I was to be at IHOP. The internship was one of the best things that ever happened to me and I always was so proud that I was a part of it.

Today is the next group's turn. The July '06 Onething Interns have started arriving and moving in. Many come voluntarily, holding their heart up to G-d with all their dreams, fears, and prayers. Others come reluctantly, holding onto sins but still secretly hoping they will change. All of them, every single one, will be transformed this next half-year. 41 girls, 18 guys. Six months. 18 hours of teaching, 30 hours in the prayer room, and all three services. Enforced community, to embrace or to try to reject. Meals together in the cafeteria, hugs in the hallway and the bathroom, moving as an organism to class and the prayer room. They signed up for G-d, but they've been tricked -- they get G-d and they have to deal with each other. Once they accept that, accept the schedule, and say to G-d, "Here I am, as I am. Enjoy me!" -- they will be in for the journey of a lifetime.

I am so excited for them. I hope I can be here for their day of consecration next Monday so I can pray for them. I plan on prophesying over the interns any chance I get. For sure I will hang out with some of the leadership -- Withit, Hotness, Garner, Timber, and a few others -- so I hope I'll get to know some of the interns too. I'll also be interested to see what kind of character and personality the internship as a whole develops. Each internship has a different identity. I know that July '05 was hardcore for intercession, and January '06 -- my internship -- was contemplative, deeply rooted by the river like it says in Ps. 1.

I will certainly keep praying for this new internship. I love Fire in the Night, but Onething will always have first place in my heart. G-d does amazing stuff with people who are stuck with Him (there really is nowhere to run) for six months.

The mother of all headaches

My head hurts. I discovered the other day that when it throbs, as it has been doing for the past few days, I can "hear" two different tones of throbbing in my head. Who'd have thought that headaches were musical?

I went to Migun today to spend some quality time with the automatic infrared massage bed, hoping that'd help the headache, but it didn't. I've been drinking a ton of water to flush out the toxins and took some Ibuprofin. Still, I can feel the headache just waiting to creep up on me again. Blearg. I don't even know why my head hurts so much. Maybe it's been the long hours on the computer combined with a few late nights this weekend. I'm praying G-d will heal it before Saturday, or else I'm going to have to postpone my trip to MN.

Later tonight I plan to go to the PR. I haven't been over there for the past few days...too busy with support-raising stuff at home. I'll take some ibuprofen and my earplugs, just in case the headache decides to tag along.