Pinch Me; Is This Real?...Never Mind. It's Real. (Ouch.)

I am living in a state of constant thankfulness that the life I am living now is actually mine. Years of wishing for friends, for a decent job, and most of all for spiritual direction, and now it is all mine. The shock has slowly worn off, replaced by gratitude and a certain wary acceptance. I mean, I don't deserve this. I deserve death and separation. I get life instead, abundant life, which is what He delights to give (Eph. 2:1-10).

Right now I am all too aware of reality, however. Up late with cramps...ugh. At least I don't have to work tomorrow and can sleep in. One night last year, I went to bed at midnight and woke up with cramps at 5:00 a.m. on a Monday morning. I took some painkillers, wrapped myself in an electric blanket, hunched over my Xbox controller and hoped (1) that blasting some Covenant and Flood would distract me; (2) that the ibuprofen would kick in soon; and (3) that it was really Sunday morning and not Monday, because if it really was Monday I had to go to work in a few hours and there was no way I could stay away during the 45-minute drive to work, much less tutor all morning on five hours of sleep. I don't actually remember the drive; I do remember being face-down on a hard table at the Writing Center, holding back a silent scream as someone told me my first appointment had arrived...early...and of course it was an English Lanuage Learner...who had no concept of grammar, spelling, or organization...whose paper was due in four days...who couldn't make it back to the Writing Center before then, so I needed to fix everything right...now....

Bleargh. Anyway. I feel a bit better. I have been instructed by Wombat1 to put my feet up on my pillow, as that will increase blood flow. I don't know much about blood flows and the increasing of same, but I am willing to do a Pippi Longstocking if it'll help me sleep. At least I have thunder to listen to as I attempt to relax. I will think on a greater thunder, of which the present is only a shadow:

Behold, a throne set in heaven, and One sat on the throne. And He who sat there was[a] like a jasper and a sardius stone in appearance; and there was a rainbow around the throne, in appearance like an emerald. [...] And from the throne proceeded lightnings, thunderings, and voices. Rev. 4:1-5

Does that not blow your mind? From the throne established on the heavens, spanning the universe, come these noises. What are they? Who makes them? What purpose do they serve? What do these noises say about the G-d who Himself speaks with a voice like many thunders? Mysteries, the things of eternity, to be pondered, to be fingered in the mind and turned about this way and that, trying to make sense of it all and being awed at the same time...it's good for the soul. David always said to meditate on the L-rd in the night on your bed.

Although David never had cramps.

Iran denies UN inspectors from inspecting nuclear facility

In this article, the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei claims, "Arrogant powers and the U.S. are putting their utmost pressure on Iran while knowing Iran is not pursuing nuclear weapons."

Iran is not only stalling until they do have nukes; they're blatantly lying. As I understand it, Islam permits Muslims to lie if that lie furthers the spread of Islam (in the case of radical Islam, the Islamic conquest of the world) or the survival/well-being of a Muslim. There's even a name for this policy: al-Taqiyya. I think this is an example of al-Taqiyya in action.

Staff schedule

I turned in my Sacred Trust the other day, which is a form with my scheduled service hours and prayer room hours. I also filled out paperwork for my scholarship. I'll have to renew the scholarship every six months and will also have to fill out a new Sacred Trust if my schedule changes. That's it otherwise. Unless there are any complications with the Sacred Trust Office, I am now an official intercessory missionary based at IHOP-KC. Here is my schedule so you can see what I'll be doing. I'll be starting that schedule this coming week, although I am still waiting to hear if I can hop onto a prophetic ministry team on Fridays.

As operations staff, my main focus will be serving the Missions Base through my editing work. Robert, Siobhan, and I had a meeting with Wes Hall (a Forerunner School of Ministry head honcho/instructor/prayer leader/cool guy with a British accent) the other day. I got the lowdown on what I will be doing: editing course books for certain FSM courses. A course book is a resource manual for students, as well as for non-students who are interested in studying the course content on their own time. Course books will be mostly put together by the instructor from his/her course notes. (Allen Hood already has one for his Excellencies of Christ class.) I won't be editing for content, just grammar and organization. Wes rightly wants FSM to regulate the content, since they want to present a sound, unified theology to the reader.

Speaking of work, I am going to be careful what I say...blogging about work is risky in an age when people have been fired for blogging and when employers use Google or MySpace to look up their applicants. I do not want to jeopardize my job. But it's so cool that I can't resist talking about it. I will be as general as I can, especially when it comes to upcoming products that don't have official release dates or are in the brainstorming stage.

That's about it for now. Excuse me while I go blow my nose for the 1,367th time. I can't wait until I get better and can breathe again. You never realize how much you enjoy breathing until you can't breathe.

Life's little pleasures

• "Sweet revelation" on a Bible passage you've been staring at, uncomprehending, for the last few years


• Lindt dark chocolate bars that are 85% cocoa


• Colored duct tape


• A warm puppy -- but not too warm or else your lap gets all hot and itchy


• Nasal spray when you have a cold


• Rubber duckies, especially glow-in-the-dark ones


• Fresh laundry


• Satirical linguistics


• Gentiles who say "Oy"

Dude...

I was just skimming Acts 22, looking up a reference. This is pretty cool...Paul is recounting his salvation experience to the Jews in Jerusalem. In sum: the G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob knocks him off his horse; reveals Himself to be Yeshua, whom Paul was persecuting, yet speaks to him gently; and then strikes him blind. After cooling his heels for a few days and reevaluating everything he believes, Paul gets a visitor. This is how he tells it:

Then a certain Ananias...said to me, ‘Brother Saul, receive your sight.’ And at that same hour I looked up at him. Then he said, ‘The G-d of our fathers has chosen you, that you should know His will, and see the Just One, and hear the voice of His mouth. For you will be His witness to all men of what you have seen and heard. And now why are you waiting? Arise and be baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on the name of the Lord.’ (Acts 22:12-16)

Wow.

Meh. And Mussels' birthday pics.

*hack*
*cough*
*blows nose*
Bleh. Yes, I am still sick. I went into work for a few hours and now I am home. (I like my coworkers a lot -- they are already concerned about my health, plus they love Jesus, have sarcastic goofy senses of humor, and wear blue jeans.) Brought some work home with me again so I have something to do instead of watching Stargate all day. Though I must say I am pumped for the 200th episode; it's going to be a riot.

That's about it. Just wanted to let you all know I am still alive. More or less. Oh, and I uploaded the pics from Mussels' birthday party on Sunday.

Sicker than a dog

That is an odd saying, is it not? All of the dogs I know are pretty healthy...I saw someone on the Net theorize that that saying may be derived from Prov. 26:11. There are probably several other explanations. I don't know why I am talking about this. How random. But that's my nature...randomness.

Anyhoo. I had my first day at Forerunner Media Group yesterday. It was a pretty short day: I got there at 9:00, spent an hour talking with the other editor (whom I will call Siobhan), and met a bunch of people. Then I went to the 10:00 intercession set and had an hour lunch break until 1:00. Did a bit of editing, attended a meeting with a supplier, and went home. It was great except for the part where I got sick. I'd woken up with a sore throat, and during the afternoon my energy levels started to drop drastically. I barely remember the meeting I sat through.

I woke up this morning with less of a sore throat but feeling dizzy and weak. I dragged myself to work anyway. My body kept screaming at me, "Why are you leaving the house? Go back to bed, you idiot!!" But I wanted to make at least a token appearance and pick up some work to take back with me.

So now I am camped out on the couch with a copy of The Rewards of Fasting to edit (they're doing a second run of the book and want to fix a few errors). I also have a stack of Stargate DVDs and a mug of tea. My only goals are to make progress on the book, DVDs, and tea, and to move as little as possible. I hope I will be better by tomorrow.

I got a job!!!

A few weeks ago, I was praying about my job situation and stirring up my faith. I said to G-d, "You'll give me a job in August, won't You. You always give me jobs at the end of the summer."

• August 2004: after a year at an extremely crappy job, I started working at my college's Writing Center (and later supplemented it with a paid editing internship).


• August 2005: after graduating from college, I couldn't find a job all summer; I wouldn't have had the money for the January '06 internship if G-d hadn't provided me with a job at the last minute.


• August 2006: Exactly a year to the day I got a job last August, I finally accepted that work scholarship with Forerunner Media.

I would've accepted the scholarship sooner; I think I was over-spiritualizing the decision. Anyway, I got a confirmation call today from Robert Craig, my new boss. I will be starting on Tuesday. I'll be Operations Staff, which equals 35 hours of service per week, as well as 12 hours of Prayer Room (i.e., two 4-hour prayer meetings I'll do with a prayer room team and one 4-hour block of time I'll do independently).

My first reaction to finalizing my committment was profound relief and then growing excitement. The stress of job-hunting is finally over -- I have a job! Not just any job...as an editor, I'll be doing what I love and what I am good at while gaining valuable experience in the editing field (which, I must say, is very hard to break into). In addition, since I'll be working on the IHOP Missions Base, I'll be able organize my schedule around the prayer room. I'll be saving on gas money and drive time with a commute of only 5-10 minutes. Plus, I will meet more people and get an advance look at new books, CDs, and class syllabi.

This is going to be the coolest job ever. :-D

I'm not gloating or anything; it's just that I seriously cannot believe how blessed I am. I have mostly had such a dismal and unenjoyable employment history that I thought I would never get a job I actually liked. As I job-hunted this summer, all I asked G-d for was a part-time office position that I could tolerate, that would pay the bills, and that wasn't too far away. I got pretty discouraged when I couldn't find anything. I hardly dared imagine that G-d had something better for me. Just goes to show that 1st Cor. 2:9 is right:

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.

Another looong day, but not as boring as the previous one, except for the part where I stood in line at the DMV for an HOUR

Yesterday I ran a bunch of errands, got a horrid haircut, and got my Missouri driver's license. Woo hoo!! I know that a lot of IHOPers haven't bothered to get MO plates or a MO DL, even the ones who've been here for forever, like Buckeye or Fearless Leader. But I am definitely staying here...I don't plan to live in Minnesota again if I can help it, although I miss my family. And the lakes. Oh man do I miss the lakes. The part of Missouri that I live in is quite ugly. That's what I get for living in the city, though. Perhaps in a few years I'll look into a townhouse or something in a nice suburb 20-30 minutes away from IHOP.

I was late to the 4:00, but I got a seat by HoB, who is one of my most favorite people EVER. I found out she got an apartment and is staying here. That made my day -- I love that girl. Anyway, I stayed in the PR from 4:00 to about 10:00. Killer called and invited me over to watch a movie and to break our three-day fast with pizza (...yeah, I know, not healthy). On my way out, I ran into Mussels. He convinced us to come over to Cat's and watch a movie there. Mussels picked Finding Neverland (...yeah, I know, he's a guy, and he's straight, and really built...but he chose Finding Neverland because that's just the kind of guy he is...love ya buddy!). We watched it, accompanied by chips, salsa, an overpriced bag of Oreos (note to self: never again buy snacks at a gas station), and smart remarks from Cat and Princess.

We ended up fast-forwarding the movie to the end, because we'd all seen it before and the ending is the best part, anyway. Then we turned off the lights and tried to have a sleepover, except no one actually went to sleep (besides Mussels) and Killer knocked me off the couch. (In my defense, I thought I had a good hold on her and was going to roll us both off...but I slipped. Yes, I stink at grappling.) The whole thing eventually turned into "The Princess and Cat Variety Hour," complete with dance-offs, fisticuffs, dogpiling, and catfighting, all to the tune of comedic banter in outrageous accents that had Killer and me breathless with laughter on the couch. Princess and Cat are quite the pair. I must say I have never been to a more bizarre fake sleepover in my life. Anyway, we woke Mussels up (poor boy, always surrounded by beautiful women and not another man in sight) and dispersed around 2:00 a.m.

We'll be back on Sunday for more of Princess and Cat's comedy. Oh, and Mussels' birthday celebration. To celebrate the occasion, there will be...chicken. Yes, chicken, despite the fact that last time we had chicken at Cat's three-foot flames were shooting up from the grill and we had to finish baking it in the oven and the process of suitably roasting the fowl took four hours and, most importantly, there was the chocolate cake fight with the blood and everything that I missed 'cause I was in the bathroom weighing myself, like, how could I have lost that much weight three weeks after the internship ended?, and it was the best party I had ever been to. I am quite excited for the next one. All guests will be required to bring a vegetable. Perhaps I shall arrive bearing a rutabaga. I have never had a rutabaga before and I hear they are quite nice.

There was pretty much nothing edifying in this post. I don't know why I even type these...when I type about the Bible and stuff at least I am stirring up my spirit. But I am grateful to have friends. I just want to make sure I never become so focused on "good times" that other things fall by the wayside.

Looong day

I woke up early (early for me...8:15) for a meeting with Robert Craig, who will be my immediate boss at Forerunner Media Group. I vaguely remember going to the 10:00 set...the early hours combined with a seriously empty stomach created a sort of haze around me. I remember sitting next to Wes (OTI Associate Director Extraordinaire), Mary (the goddess of administration and sound boards), and Hill and AF (recently returned from their wedding in New York). That is about all I remember.

I went home and spent most of the afternoon and evening preparing to reinstall my OS. I borrowed Other Mother's 1 GB flash drive to migrate files to the other computer...a slow process, but better than using a CD-RW. My laptop is running much more smoothly now, though it'd help to upgrade the memory, I think. I would love to upgrade the entire computer next year. We will see. (Oh, what I would give to be able to afford a Mac.) Until then, I am customizing a few things. Here is a selection of the programs I had to reinstall:

• Audacity


• AVG Anti-Virus


• eSword


• IrfanView


• Mozilla Firefox


• SpyBot Search and Destroy<


• Switch

I'm kind of an open-source girl, I guess. I've definitely made good use of each program.

On a side note, check this out: La La is a cheap way to get new music and get rid of your old CDs. It's legit; they pay the artists. Sweet...I might join. I have been wanting to get Alison Brown's Stolen Moments -- an odd but entirely workable (and enjoyable) blend of Celtic, bluegrass, and jazz -- for a while. Maybe I can trade Django Reinhardt, Duke Ellington, or Julius Hemphill for that.

Anyway...I finished the reinstall, went to the 8:00 set, and came back to continue working. Bleargh. I'm starving and tired and I just want to veg in front of the TV and watch Stargate. But I should get to bed soon...tomorrow I have a bunch of car stuff to take care of -- get it inspected and get the title transferred to me. Hopefully I will be able to get that done before Thursday. We have a conference this week -- Growing in the Prophetic, which is right up my alley, and I don't want to miss it.

Another GBF

This is my first Global Bridegroom Fast in a while. I didn't observe the two previous ones; fasting kind of fell by the wayside after I graduated OTI. But I am reminded of something Dana Candler said -- we fast to invite our bodies into the longing that our spirits feel. I am eager to fully enter into yearning for the Bridegroom; that desire, along with my closeness to Him, has been buried for the past two months under job-hunting, general stress, and immaturity. Time to rise from my bed and seek Him (Song of Solomon 3:1-2).

To that end, I am spending the afternoon and evening in the PR (got here at 2:30; staying till 10:00). I found a good seat right up front. I've got an outlet for my laptop, access to an aisle if I want to pace, and what I need most: minimized distractions. If I sit further back, I tend to just people-watch. If I'm up front, I am more likely to make myself engage in worship and intercession. I am planning to do a little job-hunting -- gotta keep doing that, since I haven't quite decided about that scholarship yet -- but during GBF we are encouraged to just focus on Jesus. So I have some plans for Bible study, for reading Tozer, and of course for corporate intercession. Catch the 4:00 set if you'd like; the webstream is free during GBF (though I think it's just the 10:00 and the 4:00).

More tomorrow, perhaps. Oh, shoutouts to Killer and Wombat1...that was a fun evening last night, eh? Although Pirates 2 felt a lot longer the second time around, Barnes & Noble was fun.

New staff orientation

It's long but more interesting and informative than one would think. The internships here prepare new staff very well, but the orientation is quite helpful. And Dave Sliker is teaching most of it, so at least it's entertaining at times.

Gotta go. Oh, btw...I am going to talk to Dwayne Roberts today. He wants to "run something by [me]." Hmmmm....

[Later] Hallelujah, orientation is over. It was loooong. But I have my new nametag now. That's not saying much. I'm not "on the wall" yet (i.e., my name isn't up on the PR's hallway list of people who have made a Sacred Trust commitment to certain blocks of time). I'm not finished with my payroll paperwork yet. And to put a new twist on things -- I'm not even sure whether I'm going to be part- or full-time staff.

Yes, I know I've been saying I'll be part-time. But today Dwayne told me that IHOP can only offer me a work scholarship if I am on full-time staff. The sum they're paying me isn't that much (works out to between $6-$7 per hour, while I am used to $9-$11), but it's a step toward the $700 minimum that I need to meet. However, taxes will take a big chunk out of the work scholarship. I would actually have to pay more taxes (in terms of percentage) than I would were I working a regular job with regular withholdings. It has something to do with IHOP's tax-exempt status (to gain it, they had to file with the IRS as a religious order) and staff being considered self-employed. As someone said in orientation today, "Since you belong to a religious order and have taken a vow of poverty, the government decided you should pay more taxes."

I would have to raise a lot of support to make up the difference. Yet I think I would love being full-time staff...that's 50 hours to present myself to the L-rd in prayer, supplication, and service. I believe He accomplished more in me during my internship than during any other time in my life because I had given Him all of my time. The more time I give Him, the more He does in me. That's not to say that G-d isn't going to encounter those who are committed to school, the marketplace, homeschooling, etc., and can't do tons of Bible study. But the people here who have given their time to the L-rd...there is something different about them. They have focus, confidence, peace, and the knowledge of G-d -- all of which I desire, and all of which come from spending as much time as possible at the feet of Jesus.

Yet there's the issue of finances (that always seems to be the issue). I was so excited when I found out about the scholarship today and when I was telling MochaMom about it. But later I did the math and now I'm not so excited. I'd probably be left with only $350 or so a month after taxes, leaving me to raise about the same amount in support. That's looking increasingly difficult to attain. I do not know what I should do...things would be a lot better financially if I worked outside of IHOP and did part-time staff. That was my original plan. Maybe I should stick to it. I do have until September first to turn in my Sacred Trust commitment form (my schedule for service and for my "wall hours", indicating whether I am full- or part-time). No rush to decide.

I will be praying a lot about this issue. During the Global Bridegroom Fast next week, I'll be asking for direction and clarity. I don't want to choose my future based solely on financial reasons. I have to remember that I serve the G-d who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, who clothes the lilies in glory and even more so clothes and feeds His own people.

If you would like to make a donation, please click the PayPal link on the sidebar. I'm afraid it's not tax-deductible. I would appreciate it so much!

Pray-reading the Word

Here's an IHOP model for studying the Bible. Probably the most fruitful method for me is first sitting still and just listening to the Spirit, occasionally asking for further revelation or clarification. Then I take what I have learned and sing it, like Paul says to do:

So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind.

Job-hunting woes

Right, so I'm slogging my way through CareerBuilder job searches. I just applied for a part-time data entry position. After I finished, CareerBuilder was all, "Heeey, look over here! You might like THESE jobs too, 'cause they're related to what you just applied for! Er...well...more or less."

Less, actually. Check it out:

Job Title	Company	Description
Candy Kitchen Associate	Russell Stover	Daily activities will include baking cookies and brownies, chocolate tempering, making peanut brittle and dipping caramel apples.
Torcher	DSS-KC	Sets-up and operates cutting machine equipment. Also known as a "Torcher". Individual will be cutting metal for refabrication.
Lawn Care Specialist	Trugreen	Provide service to residential or commercial customers by making timely lawn/landscape applications, diagnosing and correcting lawn/landscaping problems through service calls and other customer communications, and selling/upselling services to new and/or existing customers, resulting in growth of the customer base.
Voice Captioners (Seasonal/Temp - Part-time)	City of Olathe, KS	To perform the function of Voice Captioning the candidate will be required to listen to dialogue and simultaneously Shadow Speak or repeat the dialogue into software that converts the data into captioning for live television broadcasts of the Olathe City Council sessions and other public meetings/events.

That's just a few of many laughs I got while reading the list. I should be honest and mention that CareerBuilder also listed several library jobs (which I already applied for) and some office jobs.

And I did apply for that voice captioner job. Hey, it sounded interesting.

Staff process

I had my staff interview the other day. For now, the Sacred Trust office is choosing to believe that I am not a crazy person. Ha! I'll show them!!

...yeah, so anyway, I'm approved as "Pending Part-Time Staff." New Staff Orientation is on Thursday, 2:00-9:00 p.m., and on Friday, 9:00 a.m.-6:00 p.m. We will get breaks for meals, but those will be long days. Nothing I can't handle after enduring the internship, though. Plus I will be sitting with Killer and whoever else I know...bring on the pen wars!

I need to get going. Have to bug the people at Forerunner Books about my work scholarship, go to the post office, job-hunt, etc.