Trampling the garden

I had about three posts I was going to type that would lay myself bare, detailing my dissatisfaction with my spiritual immaturity, the heart issues that cause my difficulty in relating to my prayer room team, and my hang-up with the question of...never mind. In short, I decided not to write those posts. I didn't feel right about sharing them.

Lately I have been pausing to consult with Holy Spirit before I speak about such things. For instance, I might be about to spill the innermost workings of my heart to someone—even a close friend, someone who's already seen me vulnerable and confused—but I will feel caution that I know is not from me. The Spirit doesn't outright command me, "Don't say this and that"; He leaves it up to me. But I've been taking His advice, because I am beginning to realize that not everything should be shared with others. (At least not right away.)

Today I was at a seminar in which the speaker, Benjamin Atkinson, was talking about sharing deep stuff with each other, specifically dreams we've had or prophecies we've been wondering about. If a friend tells you their dream, he said, "they are asking you to come into their garden, their secret place with the L-rd, where it's just them and Jesus. In trying to interpret the dream or prophecy, we end up running around the whole garden like a madman, instead of staying in one small area. But the L-rd may have planted some tender young bulbs over there, and you just trampled them."

I'm not saying that believers should never tell each other what's going on in their hearts or ask a friend to help interpret the symbols in a dream. But we need to be careful when we share these things and who we share them with. The L-rd gives us things constantly. It's our responsibility to steward them. And I'm finding that sometimes stewarding means silence. I feel like He's saying to me, "Take what I have given you and let Me talk to you about it for a while. Don't go running to others. Don't let people, however well-meaning, trample in your garden. I don't want you to lean on others' understanding so much. Come to Me first."

The apostle James said to bridle the tongue. I think he was talking about more than sarcasm, swearing, un-edifying prophecies, and proud speech. I think we are supposed to be careful about how we share our hearts with each other. Timing is a big issue. If you had a dream two years ago that you are supposed to move to China, of course you should talk to the spiritual authority figures in your life and to your friends and family. But if you just had an awesome quiet time with the L-rd and He spoke some very intimate things to you, don't rush out immediately and announce it to your family or whatever.

I've been guilty of blabbing. But as I share, I've often felt a sense of wrongness. It's too late, though; the words have been said. So I'm trying to listen more these days before the words are said. If you wait, you can always say it later.

Anyway. I'm tired and I never think that I make much sense when I'm tired. Going to sleep.